I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize