Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
