I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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