okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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