While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
