I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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