i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
