Fine. I'll sleep in my office
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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