it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
