Please, let me fuck your mom
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
