there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
