Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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