I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
