WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
