We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
