Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
