Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
