i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
