you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
