there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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