So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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