Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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