i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
