I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize