Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
sex in a hospital.. check
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
