If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
