i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
