"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
