I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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