A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
