somebody snuck up and got me drunk
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
