Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
