i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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