Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
