this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
