I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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