my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
