Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
