I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
