I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
