Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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