You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
