Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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