11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
