If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
