Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
