hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize