hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
