Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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