please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
