lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
