My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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