It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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