Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
