I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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