Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
