i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
