Whatcha textin bout Willis?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize