If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
