We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
