she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
