I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
