I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We had sex on a dog bed..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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