I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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