How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize