How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We got so high we made milksteak
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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