with your own penis?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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