the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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