Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Floor bacon is actually really good
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
