no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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