there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
