We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
