i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
